I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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