you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I want to fling myself into the sun
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
