You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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