ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
