Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
