oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
