he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
