We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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