the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
