Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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