I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
