omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
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