Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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