he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
