tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
