Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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