It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
This toilet bowl is my home.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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