There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
