Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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