I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
