i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
