Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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