FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
