My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
