Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
