yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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