1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
