Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
