i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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