She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The uberlube is also flammable
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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