and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
i need some magic done to my vagina
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
