I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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