Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Randomize
