it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
