There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize