Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
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