I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
lol hangovers are for mortals.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
