NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
