He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize