i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
