Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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