My liver just broke up with me...
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
