he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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