dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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