dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
