I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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