If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
