Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
