She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
