I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
