it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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