A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
