If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
