Someone shit on the floor
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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