Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
