you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
