i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
where does the pee come out of this thing
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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