i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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