OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
