coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
