3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Randomize
