I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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