i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
