I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
