mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
