just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
