The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
