States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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