Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
